Love Lessons (Love Language Book 2) Read online

  He quickly stowed his clothes in a locker and took a quick glance in the mirror. He was wearing a pair of tight black shorts and a simple chest harness that crossed over his sternum with an O ring. This was his standard club wear and he didn’t think much about it except to check that his hair, which grazed the tops of his shoulders, was reasonably smooth and glossy. Doms loved to pull it, so he always made sure to leave it down.

  He’d long since stopped feeling self-conscious about the bit of padding at his middle or his otherwise stringy physique. He was a middle school science teacher who liked to run most mornings to stay in shape, and he felt great about that. Escape welcomed humans of every shape and size, and anyone who didn’t think he was hot could just fuck off.

  He stepped into the large, comfortable bar area, which was still fairly empty since he’d arrived so early. He took a moment to just look around before choosing a direction. There were a few couples hanging out on wide armchairs or couches, some just talking and some making out or engaging in the lighter forms of play that were appropriate for the main room.

  There was a group of subs chatting around a cluster of tables, and he waved hello. He knew some of them were partnered up and didn’t see their Doms, so they must have been having a meeting or gathering of some sort. Since he hadn’t been invited, and he hated trying to speech read with more than one or two people, he didn’t try to go over.

  He noticed Master Ryan sitting at a table alone and cocked his head at him from across the room. They’d played together a few times in the past and Landon wouldn’t mind feeling the warmth of his floggers or the sting of his whips tonight. But Master Ryan just gave him a friendly wave and then made a sort of “what can you do” shrug. So, apparently, he was already taken. Dammit.

  Mistress Candice strolled across the room and he almost approached her before he noticed her vest and the clearly marked satchel hung over her shoulder. If he hadn’t been so stressed, he would have noticed it right away. She was acting as a Dungeon Monitor tonight, and if she was able to play, it likely wouldn’t be for hours. They didn’t have the slightest bit of physical attraction for each other, but she was an evil villain with predicament bondage, and he could have really used that right about now.

  That left pretty much no one, which was what he really should have expected getting here right after six when they opened.

  He went up to the bar and ordered some sort of virgin concoction, mostly to give himself something to do while he waited. Bek, the bartender, talked with him a bit, but they were mostly busy rushing around to get things ready for the night, which didn’t make speech reading easy.

  He took his glass over to a table and didn’t try to hide that he was watching the door. He could feel that itching sensation rising up his back, that tense neediness that would all fall away as soon as he could submit.

  Out of the corner of his eye he was watching the cluster of subs, mostly because one of them looked so miserable. What was his name? Casey? Carter? Caleb? Something like that. His Dom was… some big, muscular guy Landon didn’t think he’d ever been introduced to. He didn’t appear to be here tonight, but then again, all of the subs seemed to be solo this evening.

  Someone said something in the group, and everyone started laughing while Casey/Carter/Caleb drew back and shrank into himself.

  Landon definitely didn’t want to dominate anyone tonight, but since he'd been coming to Escape for so long, he felt a responsibility to reach out to newer members. Especially if it looked like they were having trouble fitting in. He might not be a therapist, but he could keep someone company and lend an ear.

  Landon walked over and crouched down next to him, making himself small and non-threatening. “Hey,” he said, hoping he was pitching his voice at just above a whisper. “I don’t have any company. Want to come join me?”

  “Me?” He looked shocked, like he couldn’t imagine anyone wanting to spend time with him.

  “Yeah, come on over. I could use some company. I’ve forgotten your name, but I know we met before.”

  “Yeah, I’m Casey. And you’re Landon. Everyone knows you.”

  Landon gave a languid shrug, turning on the automatic flirt. “I like to get to know people. Come on over.”

  He led Casey back to his table and gave him a moment to get settled. He had a sense that Casey would need it.

  “Just a reminder, I’m Deaf so you have to look at me directly when you speak or I can’t understand you.”

  “Yes, Sir.”

  Landon smiled gently. “I’m not a Dom tonight. Just another sub like you.”

  “Wow. I can’t ever imagine switching.” Casey looked impressed.

  “I like it sometimes. But I’m still about… eighty percent sub, maybe? When I’m in a good mood I can go either way, but when I’m having a rough day, I just want to take my mind off everything and submit.”

  “So you’re having a rough day?”

  “Yeah.” He’d thrown that in there mostly to help Casey open up. “My job might not have a position for me next year, and I’m kind of ticked off. I mean, I can get another job, but the reasons they’re changing the positions are bullshit.”

  “I’m sorry. That sounds rough.”

  “Yeah.” Landon shrugged. “How about you. What’s going on with you?”

  Casey’s expression barely changed, but tears started leaking from his eyes. He shook his head like he didn’t want to talk, but Landon was pretty sure he did.

  “Hey,” Landon wrapped his fingers around Casey’s larger hands where they rested on the table. “Whatever it is, I’m here to listen. No judgment, OK?”

  Casey gulped two more times before freeing his hands to angrily push away his tears. He put them back on the table, though, where Landon could hold them.

  “Start anywhere. I’m not doing anything else tonight.” There went his evening, not that he would ever let Casey know that. He really needed a scene tonight, but if it wasn’t going to happen, it wasn’t going to happen. Casey needed him more.

  “I’ve been trying so hard. But my D… no, Jason, I guess. I left him. And I know it was the right thing to do, but now I keep doubting myself.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “He wanted to tie me up and I said that it made me uncomfortable. It was a soft limit, but I was freaking out. Because it reminds me… well, it reminds me of things I don’t want to remember. I didn’t safeword, because I didn’t want to stop, and I would have been fine doing something else. I just kept asking to do something else until I was really freaking out. So we stopped. But then… he said that if I couldn’t trust him then I wasn’t really submitting. Which is bullshit, right?”

  Landon felt his blood boiling. “Let me make sure I understand. You were having a panic attack or a flashback because being tied up is a trigger for you?” Casey nodded. “And he knew this?”

  Casey nodded. “He said he’s helping me get over my trauma.”

  “Yeah, that’s not just bullshit, that’s abuse.”

  “I’ve been trying to figure that out. It doesn’t feel like abuse when it’s mostly words. Like, I actually was abused before...”

  Holy fuck. “Casey, honey, that’s still abuse. If something ever triggers you, you should take care of yourself by safewording immediately. But more importantly, if your partner even suspects that they might be triggering you, they should stop immediately. That’s what real Doms and Daddies do.” He wasn’t sure what the word starting with D had been for earlier, but it didn’t matter. “You were right in calling bullshit.”

  Casey took a deep breath. “Thanks, I think I needed to hear that.”

  “Is there anything else that’s going through your head?”

  “So much. I mean… it’s hard right now. After everything that Jason said, I feel like no one else would ever want me. I lost twenty-five pounds to try to keep his attention and I used to feel good about my body, you know?”

  Casey definitely had some heft on him, his belly hanging out over his wai
st and straining his plain black t-shirt. Landon realized that he’d probably chosen his shirt and roomy jeans, not to show off his body but to hide it.

  “Did Jason tell you that you needed to lose weight, too?”

  “I mean, not really. He just said a few times that he finds thinner men attractive, but he didn’t really mind my body. But I wanted… I wanted to make him happy. Which is stupid, right?”

  What a fucking asshole. “Everything that you’re saying? That’s emotional abuse. It wears you down and it makes you doubt yourself. It might not be as bad as what you experienced before, but if he’s making you scared again, making you have flashbacks when he could just do something else that you like instead of tying you up? That’s abuse. Telling you he prefers skinnier guys? That’s abuse. You should run far and fast.”

  “I moved out today, but he keeps calling me.” It looked like a great weight lifted from Casey’s chest when he said it.

  “Do you have a place to stay?” Landon’s place was tiny, but he definitely had friends he could suggest.

  “Yeah. I’m living with my parents for the moment. And I have money. I just needed to get out fast.”

  “Good. You should be proud of yourself. Are you answering his calls?”

  “No. I told him why I was leaving a couple times and now I’m out. I just… I still kind of feel like I love him. Even though I shouldn’t.”

  “It sounds like you’re much wiser and stronger than you realize.”

  “I… I appreciate that. It’s hard to feel that way right now. I just feel… unlovable.”

  Landon couldn’t imagine going through what Casey had, but he knew what unlovable felt like.

  “Casey,” Landon put on his Dom voice, sitting up and making himself look bigger and taller. “You are a beautiful sub. You’re strong, and you’re doing the right thing to take care of yourself. If you want to take a break from relationships for a while, there are friends who will support you. And when you’re ready, there are tons of Doms or Daddies out there who would be proud to have you as their boy. People who would love your body and respect your limits.”

  Casey looked up at him, skeptical and hopeful all at once. “I’ve never met any.”

  Landon looked around the club. It was starting to fill up. There were two Daddy Doms he was thinking of who would be great for Casey to talk to. And there was Daddy Zvi now.

  Landon motioned him over and spent the next hour or so hanging out with both of them. He didn’t tell Zvi anything other than that Casey needed a friend. His goal wasn’t to set them up, just show Casey that there were other, better options out there.

  Landon and Zvi talked about relationships that they’d had and times that they’d each used safewords, including when a Dom needed to stop a scene to protect a sub. Casey shared a bit more of his story, and Zvi called over a few other friends for Casey to meet.

  When the conversation got harder to follow, Landon stepped away from the table. He felt good about the choice he’d made to reach out to Casey, and knew that he was in good hands now. It was nice to know that he’d been able to help, and he’d enjoyed talking to both men.

  But he still had that itchy feeling of too-tight skin that only a scene would fix.

  Now that he wasn’t distracted, his frustration was growing with both the school situation and Casey’s abusive ex. He had half a mind to march up to the office and demand that Jason be expelled from the club immediately, but Zvi had said that he’d help Casey to take care of it, and that was honestly the right set of steps to give Casey back some agency.

  It didn’t help that Landon would have loved to have had a scene with Zvi himself. The man was mostly into role play and caretaking, but Landon could get behind a little “Sorry, Daddy, I was so bad” even if it always felt a little fake and scripted to him. He’d felt Zvi’s hand on his ass before, though, and he didn’t hold back.

  Landon just needed to get out of his head.

  He was meandering back over to the bar, mostly scanning the crowd as he went, when he felt a tug on his arm. Nothing hard, just enough to get his attention. He got kind of annoyed when people did that, since waving in his peripheral vision worked just as well, but people didn’t always know how to deal with his Deafness.

  It was Jillian, a sub he mostly knew by association. She was wearing kitty ears, which may have made her feel like she could just walk up and touch people, but he didn’t have much patience to spare tonight.

  “Hey, Landon. Are you…?” She paused as she looked down at his wrist. “Oh, you’re not Dominant tonight.”

  Then she walked away, swinging her fluffy tail behind her. What the fuck was that? Like he wasn’t even worth simple courtesy if he wasn’t going to do a scene with her?

  Usually he would have brushed it off, probably part of her kitty persona or something, but it made him feel like he was invisible.

  He watched her winding her way through the club, mostly in shock, until she slunk up to another Dom that Landon would have wanted to scene with, talked for a minute, and then crawled into his lap.

  Did the universe just hate him today?

  At last, he spotted Master Hiroto, who waved him over when he saw him looking. Thank fuck.

  Master Hiroto was talented and often asked to do demos. If anyone could handle him tonight, Master Hiroto could.

  “What do you need, boy?”

  That was another great thing about Master Hiroto. He didn’t like to talk much, which meant that Landon didn’t have to stress himself out speech reading.

  “Anything. Just a scene. My limits haven’t changed.”

  “Follow me.”

  It took a while to find a space. The private rooms were booked and the public room, with its two circles drawn on the floor like stages, was already in use with another couple waiting. Landon could have handled something less elaborate, maybe in a corner somewhere in the group room, but Master Hiroto liked to plan, and liked an audience even more.

  Maybe he should have chosen someone else? Though there hadn’t been much choice tonight. Really, he was kind of getting tired of everyone here. Not as people. He still liked people. But submitting wasn’t as much fun as it had been when he’d discovered it almost a decade ago.

  When he came to the club, he spent as much time dispensing advice as he did playing. Not that it was a bad thing. He loved mentoring new subs, and sometimes new Doms. This was his community, and he appreciated how kinksters tended to take care of each other.

  But the whole thing was starting to feel exhausting sometimes. Or maybe he was just getting old.

  Master Hiroto roughly grabbed his chin. Which, honestly, still put a shiver down his spine, even if it kind of annoyed him that Master Hiroto was doing it before they’d officially called a scene.

  “Are you paying attention, boy?”

  He blew out his breath, which was not appreciated. Sometimes he just wanted to snap back a little, but he knew it wasn’t what would please his temporary Dom. He pretty much had the profile down for every regular Dom in the place, and this one liked quiet and good. “I’m sorry, Master Hiroto.”

  “You are not sorry yet, but soon you will be. Stand in the center of the circle.”

  Oh, right. So it looked like the scene had started. It just felt so fake, though. He was going to be punished for “not paying attention.” Which was fine. Whatever.

  When the soft tails of the flogger started to give way to heavier thumps, and then the bright flashes of the crop, he finally felt himself let go a little bit.

  It was a relief. Better. When the crop got harsher, biting into his more sensitive calves and ribs, he felt the tears streaming down his cheeks and chased the oblivion of subspace that was just out of reach.

  It was painful and glorious and necessary, and he hated and wanted it… and then he was floating. Empty and floating and just where he needed to be, as the pain tipped into pleasure tipped into nothingness.

  Unfortunately, it only lasted for a couple of minutes, if that. It left
him feeling staticky and frenetic, though. His nerves jangled like little static charges were zipping through him.

  He needed to run, to move, to go. To let out everything that had built up out into the universe instead of absorbing it back inside. It wasn’t a bad feeling, just the disconnected not-end of a scene that he would need to finish on his own.

  But he dutifully sat through ten or fifteen minutes of aftercare after pushing off the too-soft, too-warm blankets. He drank a bottle of water, and at least that felt good.

  Master Hiroto knelt beside him and gripped his chin. Thank God he wasn’t sitting on his lap or anything. “Landon.”

  “Yes, Sir.”

  “If you want something else, you only have to tell me. Or tell the right Dom.”

  “I’m not sure what you mean, Sir. This is just how I get after scenes sometimes.” Most of the time, now, actually.

  “No,” he looked a little sad. “You let people dominate you. You let them hurt you. But you don’t submit.”

  Landon gave him a skeptical look. If he let people dominate him and hurt him, what the hell else was there?

  “Just think about it. And remember that you deserve to have what you need.”

  Well, that was cryptic.

  “I’ll think about it, Sir.” It was the easiest response.

  Landon took a quick shower and changed into the thin t-shirt and shorts that he always left at the bottom of the bag that he took to the club. They were supposed to be back-ups, but they’d work well enough tonight.

  He tied the laces in his sneakers tight. Then, he checked out at the front and ran all the way home, his bag banging awkwardly even when he held it across his chest.

  When he finally made it home, he was floppy and tired and mentally relaxed. He’d just needed that little boost of impact play, and he knew he’d be back to himself in the morning.

  But Master Hiroto’s words still circled at the back of his mind, like fish nibbling at fallen leaves. He couldn’t help but wonder if there was something else out there.